Snow

I'll post a fun snow post over on Spud's blog in a little bit, but this is a little different.

I am scared of driving in snow.  Absolutely terrified.  I was born and raised in Seattle with a mother who hasn't left her house in 4 days because there is snow on the ground.  It's always been scary for me to do it, even after living in Pullman for so many years, but after having Spud the fear became almost paralyzing.

I managed it yesterday but had to sit in my car after getting to work in the morning to take some deep breaths so I did not burst in to tears of stress when I got inside.  Going home was not as bad as I had thought, though I did have to pull over and clean my windshield a couple times because my wipers froze to the window while I was driving.

I know the people at my work probably think I'm crazy for not driving in today.  I was told that everyone else had made it in.  I was panicking, trying to figure out how to get myself there because I didn't want to be seen as a loser.  I went out to scrape off my car, thinking that I would try to drive, even though the thought of it brought tears to my eyes.  I scraped and scarped, but the freezing rain was coming down faster than I could get it off.  The car just kept getting more icy, not less.

I called someone I knew who always went in to work late and asked for a ride.  I called work to let them know I was getting a ride and would be there late.  I tried to keep the tears out of my voice, but I'm pretty sure my friend could tell I was freaking out.  She told me to stay home, that they had everything covered.  I called my ride back and he was having trouble with the freezing rain too.  I let him know that I would not be going in after all and he said he was feeling that it would be a good idea for him to stay home as well.  I got an email saying one other person was not coming in either.  I felt a little better.

It does not help my guilt though.  I should be there.  I should be able to drive in a little snow without bringing on full panic attacks.  I wish I wasn't such a dork, or wimp or whatever.  I wish I didn't care that other people think I'm ridiculous.  But I don't think they understand the fear.  It is overpowering.  It is hard to face, though I did it yesterday and may do it tomorrow.  But today I was not strong enough.

Happy New Year!

And here we are with the 2012 Resoultions.  Some will be similar.  Some will be completely different.  Some will be downright odd.  Would you expect anything else from me?

1. Read 60 books.  It's a lot, but I did 54 this year.  What's 6 more?

2. Crochet something every month.  I don't care what, just something.  I'll try and post it here or Facebook to record it.

3. Finish Scott's scarf (and then hope the next job he gets is at a school with black and red as the colors).

4. Visit the Maryhill Museum and Stonehenge.

5. Take a train somewhere.

6. Bake something new each month.  Not just a new cookie recipe, but something new and different for me.  Branch out from my usual cookies/cakes/muffins and my beloved pies.  Maybe croissants or something.

7.  Follow the SparkPeople program all the way to the end.  I have started it a number of times, but have  never made it all the way through.

8.  No more alcohol.  Over the holiday season I have realized that it causes more problems than good.  And while none of the problems involved me, it still enough to concern me.  Of course, there is one exception...

9. Go wine tasting in Walla Walla.  This is something I have wanted to do for awhile.

10. Meatless Mondays! (I missed the first Monday, but we'll start on Jan 9).

11. Go to my sorority's Centennial parties.  One is in Seattle in June and one is in Pullman in October.