Reality Bites

(I've never actually seen that movie.)

I've been in a funk for a couple days.  I can't seem to shake it.  I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me.  I tried to explain it earlier, but it came off as rather crazy.  I think I know what the problem is though.  The title says it all.

I'm tired of life.  I'm tired of the three plus years of unemployment and the spousal depression that has accompanied it, the never ending bills, the job that pays well but really isn't all that fulfilling, the five year old who doesn't sleep and pushes every button imaginable.  Washing machines breaking, dishes piling up.

I want to live in fiction.  I want romance and adventure and excitement.  I realize that fiction is just that, fiction, but I need the escape. 

I always have to be stong.  I have to be in control.  I have to be the adult.  I don't want to be the adult. 

I want to fall down the rabbit hole, run away with the Doctor, fly away to Neverland, have a love like Jane and Rochester or Elizabeth and Darcy.

Not to say that I don't love my family to pieces.  It's just that this wasn't what I expected adulthood to be like, when I was the little bookworm growing up on the other side of the state.  Real life is boring.  I long to live my imaginary world. 

Kinda thinking that the spouse isn't the only one with some depression issues.  You think?