(I've never actually seen that movie.)
I've been in a funk for a couple days. I can't seem to shake it. I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I tried to explain it earlier, but it came off as rather crazy. I think I know what the problem is though. The title says it all.
I'm tired of life. I'm tired of the three plus years of unemployment and the spousal depression that has accompanied it, the never ending bills, the job that pays well but really isn't all that fulfilling, the five year old who doesn't sleep and pushes every button imaginable. Washing machines breaking, dishes piling up.
I want to live in fiction. I want romance and adventure and excitement. I realize that fiction is just that, fiction, but I need the escape.
I always have to be stong. I have to be in control. I have to be the adult. I don't want to be the adult.
I want to fall down the rabbit hole, run away with the Doctor, fly away to Neverland, have a love like Jane and Rochester or Elizabeth and Darcy.
Not to say that I don't love my family to pieces. It's just that this wasn't what I expected adulthood to be like, when I was the little bookworm growing up on the other side of the state. Real life is boring. I long to live my imaginary world.
Kinda thinking that the spouse isn't the only one with some depression issues. You think?
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Snow
I'll post a fun snow post over on Spud's blog in a little bit, but this is a little different.
I am scared of driving in snow. Absolutely terrified. I was born and raised in Seattle with a mother who hasn't left her house in 4 days because there is snow on the ground. It's always been scary for me to do it, even after living in Pullman for so many years, but after having Spud the fear became almost paralyzing.
I managed it yesterday but had to sit in my car after getting to work in the morning to take some deep breaths so I did not burst in to tears of stress when I got inside. Going home was not as bad as I had thought, though I did have to pull over and clean my windshield a couple times because my wipers froze to the window while I was driving.
I know the people at my work probably think I'm crazy for not driving in today. I was told that everyone else had made it in. I was panicking, trying to figure out how to get myself there because I didn't want to be seen as a loser. I went out to scrape off my car, thinking that I would try to drive, even though the thought of it brought tears to my eyes. I scraped and scarped, but the freezing rain was coming down faster than I could get it off. The car just kept getting more icy, not less.
I called someone I knew who always went in to work late and asked for a ride. I called work to let them know I was getting a ride and would be there late. I tried to keep the tears out of my voice, but I'm pretty sure my friend could tell I was freaking out. She told me to stay home, that they had everything covered. I called my ride back and he was having trouble with the freezing rain too. I let him know that I would not be going in after all and he said he was feeling that it would be a good idea for him to stay home as well. I got an email saying one other person was not coming in either. I felt a little better.
It does not help my guilt though. I should be there. I should be able to drive in a little snow without bringing on full panic attacks. I wish I wasn't such a dork, or wimp or whatever. I wish I didn't care that other people think I'm ridiculous. But I don't think they understand the fear. It is overpowering. It is hard to face, though I did it yesterday and may do it tomorrow. But today I was not strong enough.
I am scared of driving in snow. Absolutely terrified. I was born and raised in Seattle with a mother who hasn't left her house in 4 days because there is snow on the ground. It's always been scary for me to do it, even after living in Pullman for so many years, but after having Spud the fear became almost paralyzing.
I managed it yesterday but had to sit in my car after getting to work in the morning to take some deep breaths so I did not burst in to tears of stress when I got inside. Going home was not as bad as I had thought, though I did have to pull over and clean my windshield a couple times because my wipers froze to the window while I was driving.
I know the people at my work probably think I'm crazy for not driving in today. I was told that everyone else had made it in. I was panicking, trying to figure out how to get myself there because I didn't want to be seen as a loser. I went out to scrape off my car, thinking that I would try to drive, even though the thought of it brought tears to my eyes. I scraped and scarped, but the freezing rain was coming down faster than I could get it off. The car just kept getting more icy, not less.
I called someone I knew who always went in to work late and asked for a ride. I called work to let them know I was getting a ride and would be there late. I tried to keep the tears out of my voice, but I'm pretty sure my friend could tell I was freaking out. She told me to stay home, that they had everything covered. I called my ride back and he was having trouble with the freezing rain too. I let him know that I would not be going in after all and he said he was feeling that it would be a good idea for him to stay home as well. I got an email saying one other person was not coming in either. I felt a little better.
It does not help my guilt though. I should be there. I should be able to drive in a little snow without bringing on full panic attacks. I wish I wasn't such a dork, or wimp or whatever. I wish I didn't care that other people think I'm ridiculous. But I don't think they understand the fear. It is overpowering. It is hard to face, though I did it yesterday and may do it tomorrow. But today I was not strong enough.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year!
And here we are with the 2012 Resoultions. Some will be similar. Some will be completely different. Some will be downright odd. Would you expect anything else from me?
1. Read 60 books. It's a lot, but I did 54 this year. What's 6 more?
2. Crochet something every month. I don't care what, just something. I'll try and post it here or Facebook to record it.
3. Finish Scott's scarf (and then hope the next job he gets is at a school with black and red as the colors).
4. Visit the Maryhill Museum and Stonehenge.
5. Take a train somewhere.
6. Bake something new each month. Not just a new cookie recipe, but something new and different for me. Branch out from my usual cookies/cakes/muffins and my beloved pies. Maybe croissants or something.
7. Follow the SparkPeople program all the way to the end. I have started it a number of times, but have never made it all the way through.
8. No more alcohol. Over the holiday season I have realized that it causes more problems than good. And while none of the problems involved me, it still enough to concern me. Of course, there is one exception...
9. Go wine tasting in Walla Walla. This is something I have wanted to do for awhile.
10. Meatless Mondays! (I missed the first Monday, but we'll start on Jan 9).
11. Go to my sorority's Centennial parties. One is in Seattle in June and one is in Pullman in October.
1. Read 60 books. It's a lot, but I did 54 this year. What's 6 more?
2. Crochet something every month. I don't care what, just something. I'll try and post it here or Facebook to record it.
3. Finish Scott's scarf (and then hope the next job he gets is at a school with black and red as the colors).
4. Visit the Maryhill Museum and Stonehenge.
5. Take a train somewhere.
6. Bake something new each month. Not just a new cookie recipe, but something new and different for me. Branch out from my usual cookies/cakes/muffins and my beloved pies. Maybe croissants or something.
7. Follow the SparkPeople program all the way to the end. I have started it a number of times, but have never made it all the way through.
8. No more alcohol. Over the holiday season I have realized that it causes more problems than good. And while none of the problems involved me, it still enough to concern me. Of course, there is one exception...
9. Go wine tasting in Walla Walla. This is something I have wanted to do for awhile.
10. Meatless Mondays! (I missed the first Monday, but we'll start on Jan 9).
11. Go to my sorority's Centennial parties. One is in Seattle in June and one is in Pullman in October.
Friday, December 30, 2011
New Year's Eve Eve
Happy New Year's Eve Eve! Tomorrow night we will ring in the New Year with a hockey game, followed by our traditional bad movies and smores. Should be fun. And also busy, so I might as well review my 2011 resolutions now, as I doubt there is much that can be done between now and tomorrow night!
My 2011 Resolutions
1) Bake a pie every month of 2011. I love pie, but I have never made one completely from scratch. I hope to have that change this year. Here is the current schedule:
Jan- Cherry
Feb- Coconut Cream
March- Pot pie AND Berry (it is Pi day afterall)
April- Banana Cream
May- Strawberry Rhubarb
June- S'mores
July- Blueberry
August- Peach
September- Apple
October- Pecan
November- Pumpkin
December- Lemon Meringue
Done, except for Lemon Meringue. There is a chance I may do it tomorrow. But considering Discs One and Two of the next season of Doctor Who are waiting for me at the library, I doubt it will happen :) Priorities people. :)
2) Read 45 books. In 2010, I managed 42. I think I can outdo that this year!
DONE! In fact, if I keep up the pack I am on, I will be at 55 for the year. Well over my goal! If not, 54 will do! :)
3) Exercise for 100 minutes a week. That isn't much, but it's more than I do now. Since shin splints have basically sidelined me from running, I'll have to get more creative.
HAHAHA, that didn't happen. Oh well. There's always next year. And I didn't GAIN anything, which is always a plus.
4) Save money. Our money situation is tight. I would like to be able to cut back in areas where we probably overspend, and build up a cushon in case something unforeseen happens.
Well, I guess this happened. We do have a bit of a savings account now. I wish I had written down somewhere what was in there before, because I really have no idea if we are ending this year ahead or behind.
5) Move. Whether it is across town, across the state, or down the coast, I would like to be out of this house be Halloween.
Didn't happen. They decided not to raise our rent, and with rentals hard to find in this area, it seemed safer to stay here. However, there may be something big brewing on the horizon as far as this is concerned, so stay tuned (like in May or so).
Not bad really as far as resolutions are concerned. I might still be able to do the pie, and then I would really consider this year a success.
I already have some ideas for 2012. I want it to be fantastic. I will try and post the list tomorrow.
Peace out!
My 2011 Resolutions
1) Bake a pie every month of 2011. I love pie, but I have never made one completely from scratch. I hope to have that change this year. Here is the current schedule:
Feb- Coconut Cream
March- Pot pie AND Berry (it is Pi day afterall)
April- Banana Cream
May- Strawberry Rhubarb
June- S'mores
July- Blueberry
August- Peach
September- Apple
October- Pecan
November- Pumpkin
December- Lemon Meringue
Done, except for Lemon Meringue. There is a chance I may do it tomorrow. But considering Discs One and Two of the next season of Doctor Who are waiting for me at the library, I doubt it will happen :) Priorities people. :)
2) Read 45 books. In 2010, I managed 42. I think I can outdo that this year!
DONE! In fact, if I keep up the pack I am on, I will be at 55 for the year. Well over my goal! If not, 54 will do! :)
3) Exercise for 100 minutes a week. That isn't much, but it's more than I do now. Since shin splints have basically sidelined me from running, I'll have to get more creative.
HAHAHA, that didn't happen. Oh well. There's always next year. And I didn't GAIN anything, which is always a plus.
4) Save money. Our money situation is tight. I would like to be able to cut back in areas where we probably overspend, and build up a cushon in case something unforeseen happens.
Well, I guess this happened. We do have a bit of a savings account now. I wish I had written down somewhere what was in there before, because I really have no idea if we are ending this year ahead or behind.
5) Move. Whether it is across town, across the state, or down the coast, I would like to be out of this house be Halloween.
Didn't happen. They decided not to raise our rent, and with rentals hard to find in this area, it seemed safer to stay here. However, there may be something big brewing on the horizon as far as this is concerned, so stay tuned (like in May or so).
Not bad really as far as resolutions are concerned. I might still be able to do the pie, and then I would really consider this year a success.
I already have some ideas for 2012. I want it to be fantastic. I will try and post the list tomorrow.
Peace out!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Holidays
I love holidays. It doesn't even matter if it is a holiday that does not relate to me. I still love them.
We celebrate Halloween AND Samhain. Boxing Day? You bet! Yule, Christmas, and anything else I can get my hands on in December! Groundhog day is still a personal favorite.
So while we don't go to church, I still love Advent. I figure it is good for Spud to know the basis for the hoildays that we celebrate, and Advent get to the root of the Christian form of winter holidays.
I went out and purchased a beautiful advent wreath (that can be used for other candles the rest of the year) and the necessary purple and pink candles. Each night this week we have been lighting the first candle and reading the chosen verse. Spud is kind of bored since there is no rhyme or reason to the verses, and we haven't gotten to the real story yet.
However, last night's verse actually spoke to me. It seems the antithesis of the right wing message of "Me, me, me. Everyone looks out for themselves." It spoke to me as the true meaning of Christmas, community, and Christianity in general.
Isaiah 58 5-8: The kind of fasting I want is this: Remove the chains of oppression and the yoke of injustice, and let the oppressed go free. Share your food with the hungry and open your homes to the homeless poor. Give clothes to those who have nothing to wear, and do not refuse to help your own relatives. Then my favor will shine on you like the morning sun, and your wounds will be quickly healed.
Basically, help those less fortunate than you. Stop the oppression of people and love one another. If you do this, the world will be a better place.
I feel like we need more of these messages and less of the "everyone who thinks differently and has less money is doomed" that dominate outspoken Christianity these days.
We celebrate Halloween AND Samhain. Boxing Day? You bet! Yule, Christmas, and anything else I can get my hands on in December! Groundhog day is still a personal favorite.
So while we don't go to church, I still love Advent. I figure it is good for Spud to know the basis for the hoildays that we celebrate, and Advent get to the root of the Christian form of winter holidays.
I went out and purchased a beautiful advent wreath (that can be used for other candles the rest of the year) and the necessary purple and pink candles. Each night this week we have been lighting the first candle and reading the chosen verse. Spud is kind of bored since there is no rhyme or reason to the verses, and we haven't gotten to the real story yet.
However, last night's verse actually spoke to me. It seems the antithesis of the right wing message of "Me, me, me. Everyone looks out for themselves." It spoke to me as the true meaning of Christmas, community, and Christianity in general.
Isaiah 58 5-8: The kind of fasting I want is this: Remove the chains of oppression and the yoke of injustice, and let the oppressed go free. Share your food with the hungry and open your homes to the homeless poor. Give clothes to those who have nothing to wear, and do not refuse to help your own relatives. Then my favor will shine on you like the morning sun, and your wounds will be quickly healed.
Basically, help those less fortunate than you. Stop the oppression of people and love one another. If you do this, the world will be a better place.
I feel like we need more of these messages and less of the "everyone who thinks differently and has less money is doomed" that dominate outspoken Christianity these days.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
The blog
So I am kind of at a loss of what to do with this blog. I am pretty sure no one actually wants to hear my rants and raves (if they are being truly honest LOL), but I post on FB so much, that most of our day to day activities just seem redundant over here.
I do want to start taking more pics of Spud, so maybe this would be a good place to post it.
Hmm, I don't know.
What I do know is that I want to post more, like I used to do on LiveJournal. Honestly, I have been contemplating going back to LiveJournal, but I think I would lose the three people who actually read this thing! :)
What should I do?!?
This post has no point. Probably should have put that at the beginning to save everyone from having to read it!
I do want to start taking more pics of Spud, so maybe this would be a good place to post it.
Hmm, I don't know.
What I do know is that I want to post more, like I used to do on LiveJournal. Honestly, I have been contemplating going back to LiveJournal, but I think I would lose the three people who actually read this thing! :)
What should I do?!?
This post has no point. Probably should have put that at the beginning to save everyone from having to read it!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
2011 Books
With 39 days to go, I am 5 books from reaching my goal of 50 in one year. I am almost done with one, so that is good. I still need to read The Stupidest Angel, a Christmas tradition. That means I really only need to come up with three more. Yay! I may complete a goal this year!
Monday, November 21, 2011
We are the 99%
Ten years ago, my husband and I graduated from college. We both went on to get Master's degrees in our respective fields. We got decent jobs, and decided to have a family. Six months into my pregnancy, he was laid off. We moved to a cheaper area, got new jobs, and had our son. Money was tight, but we managed. Then the market collapsed. The state cut education funds to balance the budget and my husband lost his job. Apparently football is more important that music. It has been three years since that layoff. He has no insurance because we have to choose between health care and a place to live. I am in default on my student loans because when it comes down to paying the loans or paying for food for our son, food will always win. We drive two cars on the brink of utter collapse because we have no extra money to fix them or upgrade. I want a chance for our family to get out of debt. I want my husband to be able to put his six years of schooling to work. I don't want to worry about what kind of school system my son will be starting in next year. I want another baby, but we can't afford the insurance or daycare, and so we wait. We did everything "right" and still got hosed. We are the 99%.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Day 1: Something I Hate About Myself
Wow, way to start out on a negative note, 30 days of truth. But ok, fine, I'll play along.
I have an overwhelming need for validation. I need to feel important, like what I do matters, even if it is something really small. I am certain this is true of most, if not all people. However, I take it to another level. I can't play a joke on people without telling them it was me. I report to and check in with my boss more times than I should because I like him to know that I am doing a good job. I can't buy presents ahead of time because I feel the need to tell the person that I bought them something. And "Secret Santa" kinds of things? Forget it.
I wish I could find a way to give myself validation without needing to rely on others. I sometimes joke that I have an over-inflated sense of self importance, but I wonder if it is the opposite. I want to be important, but just feel like I am not. I'm just not sure. It is definitely something that I try to work on every day. ("Just make it until 10 without checking in upstairs. Just 10 o clock. You can do it!" Though I rarely do. )
I have an overwhelming need for validation. I need to feel important, like what I do matters, even if it is something really small. I am certain this is true of most, if not all people. However, I take it to another level. I can't play a joke on people without telling them it was me. I report to and check in with my boss more times than I should because I like him to know that I am doing a good job. I can't buy presents ahead of time because I feel the need to tell the person that I bought them something. And "Secret Santa" kinds of things? Forget it.
I wish I could find a way to give myself validation without needing to rely on others. I sometimes joke that I have an over-inflated sense of self importance, but I wonder if it is the opposite. I want to be important, but just feel like I am not. I'm just not sure. It is definitely something that I try to work on every day. ("Just make it until 10 without checking in upstairs. Just 10 o clock. You can do it!" Though I rarely do. )
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
30 Days of Truth
In an attempt to be more proactive on this blog, I am going to do the 30 days of truth meme that I have seen floating around the blogosphere. We'll see how this goes. I'll do my Day 1 post later today, but for now, here the topics that I will need to address on each day (I may not do it the full 30 days in a row, but I will eventually finish every day. I promise.)
Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you've read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you're still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What's the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you've read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you're still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What's the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Leaving on a jet plane
On Sunday I fly off to warmer climates (and more humid) in Houston. I will be gone for 6 days, the longest I have ever been way from Spud. I'm having a really hard time dealing with it, but I have found what I feel to be the most creative outlet for my stress, making Spud presents.
First of all, bean bags. What kid doesn't like bean bags? Scott is afraid they are going to go through the TV, but I'm hoping he's wrong. I think they turned out really cute. The stripey on in the back is my favorite.
I-Spy jar. There are beads with every letter of the alphabet in the bottle. There is also an laminated card that he can fill out the letters that he finds. The rest of the bottle is filled with rice colored yellow, blue, and green.
And finally, eggs with the letters (and numbers) written on them. His job is to find an item that will fit in the egg that starts with the letter on the egg. He already has a few: alien in A, penny in P, picture of Mommy in M. :) Gotta make sure he remembers me.
Don't think that Scott is being ignored. I'll be making him some oatmeal raisin cookies on Saturday. :)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Ostara Bunny Crayons!
Ostara falls on the Srping Equinox. It is a celebration of rebirth and renewal. I figured a great way to renew and spring clean was to take some old crayons and transform them into something new and fantastic.
First start with crayons that you are ready to get rid of. You know the broken ones, or the ones that come at sit down restaurants, but you only get 2-3 colors over and over again. Peel all the wrappers off and then break them in to small pieces.
I had this silicone baking mat with bunny shapes. We placed several pieces of different colored crayons in each bunny.
The bunnies were cooked at 300F for about 20 minutes, until everything was melted. You must wait patiently at this point.
The bunnies come out of the oven all liquidy and hot. Let them sit and cool for at least 15 minutes before moving them too far. After 15 minutes, place them in the freezer until they are solid.
Pop them out and enjoy!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Spud awesomeness
Just in case you were missing the craziness that is the Spud, he has been moved to:
http://lifeaccordingtospud.blogspot.com/
Check it out!
http://lifeaccordingtospud.blogspot.com/
Check it out!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Dreaming again
I was messing around on Yahoo's travel site today and came to an amazing realization. For only $2000, I could fly from Seattle to Ljubljana, Slovenia (and no, please don't ask me to pronounce that), stay at a hotel just outside town that has a shuttle bus to take you around and English speaking employees, and then fly back 7 days later.
Of course, first I would need a passport.
And $2000, plus food and spending money.
And some time off from work.
And of course, that is $2000 per person, so I would either need to go alone, or come up with an additional $4000 for the rest of the family.
And then 13 hours on a plane with a 4 year old (but there is a 13 hour layover in London...).
Hmm, perhaps this dream needs to wait a little while longer. That last one is definitely a deal breaker.
Of course, first I would need a passport.
And $2000, plus food and spending money.
And some time off from work.
And of course, that is $2000 per person, so I would either need to go alone, or come up with an additional $4000 for the rest of the family.
And then 13 hours on a plane with a 4 year old (but there is a 13 hour layover in London...).
Hmm, perhaps this dream needs to wait a little while longer. That last one is definitely a deal breaker.
Expecting...or not
Yesterday afternoon I put the following status up on Facebook:
"We're EXPECTING AGAIN! I know, I know, it's crazy isn't it? I can't believe it myself. Yup, it's official. We are expecting rain today and AGAIN tomorrow. **re-post if you have a sense of humor. LOL"
It fooled many people. I had warned my mom and Scott, just to make sure I didn't give anyone heart attacks. Part of the reason I put it up is to see how closely people actually read those status messages. The other reason is that I desperately want to post a real "We're expecting" post, but it is not going to happen.
You have got to love marriage. You agree to go through life together at an early age (24 and 27 for us) and to work through whatever issues that may arise. Over the years, people change and grow, and the marriage changes and grows along with it, or there are problems.
Scott and I are NOT having problems. We are having a bit of a difference of opinion when it comes to offspring. When we got married, we were convinced that we would only have one child. Scott is an only. His mom is an only. My dad is an only (or was, until he found all his biological siblings, but that is another story entirely). There are many onlies in our family, and we figured that this would be the best way to give our child everything we wanted to.
However, I am about to turn 31, and my opinion has changed a bit in the last 7 years. I now want a second child. Scott still does not. Every year Spud turns a bit older, and I see my chances of having another kid dwindle as we get farther and farther from diapers and late night feedings and all those things that come from having a baby in the house.
His main concern is money, and I agree that it is an issue. At this point in our lives, Scott is not medically insured because we can not afford to have that much taken out of my paycheck every month. Obviously that came back to bite us when he ended up in the hospital a few months ago, but we're slowly working through that. With him being unemployed, it probably is not the right time to have another kid. I know this logically.
However, it seems my hormones are very illogical. They want what they want and I can't seem to tell them to STFU. Maybe (hopefully!) Scott will get a job around here this fall, I will be able to stay on with my company, and things will fall in to place for us to have another. Of course, I think convincing him of that will be difficult, but there is always hope. If, instead, we go in to year three with him having no work (which is possible considering the state of education here in WA), well, I guess I may have to give up hope.
Scott knows all this. None of this would be a surprise to him if he read it. We talk about it a lot. His answer to "Can we have more kids once you get a job?" is always "maybe". He's so diplomatic. LOL
To sum it up: No, I am not expecting. Do not expect that for a long time, if ever. But if I can ever improve my skills in the art of persuasion, than maybe someday we will have another baby Spud2 running around (or Spec if said child is not as gifted in the weight department as Spud was as an infant).
"We're EXPECTING AGAIN! I know, I know, it's crazy isn't it? I can't believe it myself. Yup, it's official. We are expecting rain today and AGAIN tomorrow. **re-post if you have a sense of humor. LOL"
It fooled many people. I had warned my mom and Scott, just to make sure I didn't give anyone heart attacks. Part of the reason I put it up is to see how closely people actually read those status messages. The other reason is that I desperately want to post a real "We're expecting" post, but it is not going to happen.
You have got to love marriage. You agree to go through life together at an early age (24 and 27 for us) and to work through whatever issues that may arise. Over the years, people change and grow, and the marriage changes and grows along with it, or there are problems.
Scott and I are NOT having problems. We are having a bit of a difference of opinion when it comes to offspring. When we got married, we were convinced that we would only have one child. Scott is an only. His mom is an only. My dad is an only (or was, until he found all his biological siblings, but that is another story entirely). There are many onlies in our family, and we figured that this would be the best way to give our child everything we wanted to.
However, I am about to turn 31, and my opinion has changed a bit in the last 7 years. I now want a second child. Scott still does not. Every year Spud turns a bit older, and I see my chances of having another kid dwindle as we get farther and farther from diapers and late night feedings and all those things that come from having a baby in the house.
His main concern is money, and I agree that it is an issue. At this point in our lives, Scott is not medically insured because we can not afford to have that much taken out of my paycheck every month. Obviously that came back to bite us when he ended up in the hospital a few months ago, but we're slowly working through that. With him being unemployed, it probably is not the right time to have another kid. I know this logically.
However, it seems my hormones are very illogical. They want what they want and I can't seem to tell them to STFU. Maybe (hopefully!) Scott will get a job around here this fall, I will be able to stay on with my company, and things will fall in to place for us to have another. Of course, I think convincing him of that will be difficult, but there is always hope. If, instead, we go in to year three with him having no work (which is possible considering the state of education here in WA), well, I guess I may have to give up hope.
Scott knows all this. None of this would be a surprise to him if he read it. We talk about it a lot. His answer to "Can we have more kids once you get a job?" is always "maybe". He's so diplomatic. LOL
To sum it up: No, I am not expecting. Do not expect that for a long time, if ever. But if I can ever improve my skills in the art of persuasion, than maybe someday we will have another baby Spud2 running around (or Spec if said child is not as gifted in the weight department as Spud was as an infant).
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Little Women
I am 6 books in to my New Year's resolution to read 45 books in 2011. (Be sure to check out my 2011 book page if you are interested in keeping tabs on me). Book number 6 was the classic Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.
I loved this book as a kid, but hadn't read it in many years, at least since high school. After finishing the book last night, I was amazed at my different reaction to it this time. I still loved it, don't get me wrong, but kid-me and adult-me took two totally different messages away from the book. (Spoilers ahead, just in case you haven't read the book. Can there be spoilers for a 150 year old book? And if you haven't read it, you need to go get it!)
When I was young, I loved the idea of having sisters who would always be there for you. My brother and I have a tumultuous relationship, to put it lightly, and while we do love each other, I never saw it as anything like what the March sisters had. I also loved the romance of it, how each of the three surviving girls found their soul mate and seemed to live happily ever after, at least until the end of the book. I cried deeply the first time I read it when Beth died. The book has held a sentimental place in my head ever since, and I always assumed that my reaction would be the same if I reread it.
Fast forward 15 years or so, and I am reading it again. I did not cry this time when Beth died, probably because I knew it was coming. This time I was more focused on what a bad wife I would have been back in the Civil War era. Every time I looked up from the book I shuddered thinking what the characters would say if they ever saw our house. I found it a bit preachy in parts, but I may have focused on that more because Christianity and I parted ways a while ago. Then, Meg had her twins. And all of the sudden, I saw myself in the book. The struggles she had putting her children before her husband. The little boy who would not stay in bed, and was way to smart for his own good. It was my life, seen through an 1840s lens. And I fell in love all over again.
Have you ever read a book as a child only to go back as an adult and find new meaning in it?
I loved this book as a kid, but hadn't read it in many years, at least since high school. After finishing the book last night, I was amazed at my different reaction to it this time. I still loved it, don't get me wrong, but kid-me and adult-me took two totally different messages away from the book. (Spoilers ahead, just in case you haven't read the book. Can there be spoilers for a 150 year old book? And if you haven't read it, you need to go get it!)
When I was young, I loved the idea of having sisters who would always be there for you. My brother and I have a tumultuous relationship, to put it lightly, and while we do love each other, I never saw it as anything like what the March sisters had. I also loved the romance of it, how each of the three surviving girls found their soul mate and seemed to live happily ever after, at least until the end of the book. I cried deeply the first time I read it when Beth died. The book has held a sentimental place in my head ever since, and I always assumed that my reaction would be the same if I reread it.
Fast forward 15 years or so, and I am reading it again. I did not cry this time when Beth died, probably because I knew it was coming. This time I was more focused on what a bad wife I would have been back in the Civil War era. Every time I looked up from the book I shuddered thinking what the characters would say if they ever saw our house. I found it a bit preachy in parts, but I may have focused on that more because Christianity and I parted ways a while ago. Then, Meg had her twins. And all of the sudden, I saw myself in the book. The struggles she had putting her children before her husband. The little boy who would not stay in bed, and was way to smart for his own good. It was my life, seen through an 1840s lens. And I fell in love all over again.
Have you ever read a book as a child only to go back as an adult and find new meaning in it?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Exercising
I am going to tell you a little story.
There was once 5 coworkers/friends who made a bet about exercising. The person who exercised the least number of days in a certain period would buy lunch for the person who exercised the most. The goal was 5 days a week. It was a fun bet, and everyone enjoyed the lunch out.
After that was over, they rearranged the bet. Another person was added, giving a nice even number, perfect for teams. The group split in to teams of 3, Team Kick Ass (KA to keep it work appropriate) and Team Bad Ass Buddies (BAB). The new terms were that the team who exercised the least would buy lunch for the team that exercised the most. Seemed fairly straightforward.
After the first week the teams were tied. After the second week, the teams were tied again. And finally, after the third week, yep, still tied.
People were getting tired. Instead of doing 5 days a week, like originally planned, everyone was trying to do 7 days, just to keep their team in the running. Missing a day felt like letting your whole team down.
There is still 1.5 weeks to go. Who knows if anyone will win, but we are all sure trying not to lose.
I am sad to say I am almost tired of yoga. 5 days a week was fun and refreshing. 7 days a week is burning me out. Sure I throw in the exercise bike occasionally, or some Wii boxing, but I am getting bored. I had to give up running due to shin splints. I would love to swim but don't have $100 a month to spend on membership to the places that have indoor pools. Spring needs to get here. I have a hankering for tennis and hiking. These short, windy/cold days are just not cutting it for me.
What do you do for exercise? How often do you exercise? Why do you do it?
There was once 5 coworkers/friends who made a bet about exercising. The person who exercised the least number of days in a certain period would buy lunch for the person who exercised the most. The goal was 5 days a week. It was a fun bet, and everyone enjoyed the lunch out.
After that was over, they rearranged the bet. Another person was added, giving a nice even number, perfect for teams. The group split in to teams of 3, Team Kick Ass (KA to keep it work appropriate) and Team Bad Ass Buddies (BAB). The new terms were that the team who exercised the least would buy lunch for the team that exercised the most. Seemed fairly straightforward.
After the first week the teams were tied. After the second week, the teams were tied again. And finally, after the third week, yep, still tied.
People were getting tired. Instead of doing 5 days a week, like originally planned, everyone was trying to do 7 days, just to keep their team in the running. Missing a day felt like letting your whole team down.
There is still 1.5 weeks to go. Who knows if anyone will win, but we are all sure trying not to lose.
I am sad to say I am almost tired of yoga. 5 days a week was fun and refreshing. 7 days a week is burning me out. Sure I throw in the exercise bike occasionally, or some Wii boxing, but I am getting bored. I had to give up running due to shin splints. I would love to swim but don't have $100 a month to spend on membership to the places that have indoor pools. Spring needs to get here. I have a hankering for tennis and hiking. These short, windy/cold days are just not cutting it for me.
What do you do for exercise? How often do you exercise? Why do you do it?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Dreams
I have a few dreams that I would like to accomplish. Some of them are rather outrageous (I would love to move to Slovenia and then just travel around Europe), but I think most are realistic with a little planning. The big one right now is a family vacation. I want to go somewhere, do something. And I think I know what and where.
We have never done a true, just us, family vacation. Sure, we will go on little one day/weekend trips, but we have never have gone anywhere else.
My dream right now is to go to Santa Cruz. Flying seems out of the question, so I was thinking about a road trip, camping along the way. We don't have tons of money, so driving and camping seems like a good way to save money. I was thinking about doing it on 4th of July weekend. I could take the whole week off (only 4 days when you count the holiday).
So that is the basic plan, to drive to Santa Cruz. We'll leave on July 1 as soon as I get off work. I figure we can make Bend before Spud gets too upset about being stuck in a car all evening. We could either make it all the way to the coast the next day, or stop somewhere else along the way. After a few days in SC, we'll drive back, probably up I-5 this time. Back in time for work on the 11th.
Only a couple catches to this plan:
1) If Scott doesn't have a job, will he end up with an interview that week sometime?
2) If he does get a job, will we have the money to do it (if he gets a job in the area, he won't be eligible for unemployment anymore)?
3) Will I be able to take 4 days off from work without two of my coworkers completely losing their minds?
Only time will tell.
(Side note: If you followed Spud's movie blog, be sure to update the URL. It's now http://lifeaccordingtospud.blogspot.com/)
We have never done a true, just us, family vacation. Sure, we will go on little one day/weekend trips, but we have never have gone anywhere else.
My dream right now is to go to Santa Cruz. Flying seems out of the question, so I was thinking about a road trip, camping along the way. We don't have tons of money, so driving and camping seems like a good way to save money. I was thinking about doing it on 4th of July weekend. I could take the whole week off (only 4 days when you count the holiday).
So that is the basic plan, to drive to Santa Cruz. We'll leave on July 1 as soon as I get off work. I figure we can make Bend before Spud gets too upset about being stuck in a car all evening. We could either make it all the way to the coast the next day, or stop somewhere else along the way. After a few days in SC, we'll drive back, probably up I-5 this time. Back in time for work on the 11th.
Only a couple catches to this plan:
1) If Scott doesn't have a job, will he end up with an interview that week sometime?
2) If he does get a job, will we have the money to do it (if he gets a job in the area, he won't be eligible for unemployment anymore)?
3) Will I be able to take 4 days off from work without two of my coworkers completely losing their minds?
Only time will tell.
(Side note: If you followed Spud's movie blog, be sure to update the URL. It's now http://lifeaccordingtospud.blogspot.com/)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The New Questions, Comments, Expressions of Outrage
As you can see all the posts are gone. They aren't actually gone, they have just been moved somewhere else. If you really care to see them, let me know and I will give you permission to view the blog. There was too much negativity associated with that last journal, so I closed it down and am starting anew. This will be less about the family (though I have a feeling that the boys will still sneak in from time to time) and more to do with the title: my questions, comments, and an occasional expression of outrage. :)
What is with that title? I've used it for a bunch of blogs, this being the most recent incarnation. My political philosophy professor used to start every class with that: "Any questions? Comments? Expressions of outrage?" It is one of the few things I took out of that class which was a major requirement as opposed to something I was truly interested in.
So that is where it stands. I will try to be better about updating, but no promises. But here are some promises, more to myself than you, but still, maybe you will find my New Year's Resolutions interesting.
1) Bake a pie every month of 2011. I love pie, but I have never made one completely from scratch. I hope to have that change this year. Here is the current schedule:
Jan- Cherry
Feb- Coconut Cream
March- Pot pie AND Berry (it is Pi day afterall)
April- Banana Cream
May- Strawberry Rhubarb
June- S'mores
July- Blueberry
August- Peach
September- Apple
October- Pecan
November- Pumpkin
December- Lemon Meringue
2) Read 45 books. In 2010, I managed 42. I think I can outdo that this year!
3) Exercise for 100 minutes a week. That isn't much, but it's more than I do now. Since shin splints have basically sidelined me from running, I'll have to get more creative.
4) Save money. Our money situation is tight. I would like to be able to cut back in areas where we probably overspend, and build up a cushon in case something unforeseen happens.
5) Move. Whether it is across town, across the state, or down the coast, I would like to be out of this house be Halloween.
Welcome to the new QCEoO. Make yourself at home and let's see where I take this. LOL
What is with that title? I've used it for a bunch of blogs, this being the most recent incarnation. My political philosophy professor used to start every class with that: "Any questions? Comments? Expressions of outrage?" It is one of the few things I took out of that class which was a major requirement as opposed to something I was truly interested in.
So that is where it stands. I will try to be better about updating, but no promises. But here are some promises, more to myself than you, but still, maybe you will find my New Year's Resolutions interesting.
1) Bake a pie every month of 2011. I love pie, but I have never made one completely from scratch. I hope to have that change this year. Here is the current schedule:
Jan- Cherry
Feb- Coconut Cream
March- Pot pie AND Berry (it is Pi day afterall)
April- Banana Cream
May- Strawberry Rhubarb
June- S'mores
July- Blueberry
August- Peach
September- Apple
October- Pecan
November- Pumpkin
December- Lemon Meringue
2) Read 45 books. In 2010, I managed 42. I think I can outdo that this year!
3) Exercise for 100 minutes a week. That isn't much, but it's more than I do now. Since shin splints have basically sidelined me from running, I'll have to get more creative.
4) Save money. Our money situation is tight. I would like to be able to cut back in areas where we probably overspend, and build up a cushon in case something unforeseen happens.
5) Move. Whether it is across town, across the state, or down the coast, I would like to be out of this house be Halloween.
Welcome to the new QCEoO. Make yourself at home and let's see where I take this. LOL
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